Let me first say that my older sister (42 years old) is the one that brought up the subject with me. I concur, but it is difficult to broach the subject. Anyways, suggestions on how to help are appreciated.
My mom has had diabetes for 28 years. She has many complications: heart failure, kidneys at 25%, foot ulcers, diabetic neuropathy, very poor eyesight, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, etc. She has had ketoacidosis numerous time. She was admitted to the hospital with sugars of 1420 and sepsis a year and a half ago. She left the hospital with an infection of the throat at the time, and 1.5 years later, she still has it. Her A1C is 12, and she regularly runs sugars over what her meter reads (which is 600). We'll hear her slurring her words, and have seen her falling asleep mid conversation.
The reason that this is complicated is that she hates hospitals, so the time her sugar was 1420, my dad had to wait until she slipped into a coma, before she would go to the hospital. He called the ambulance before that, but she refused treatment. She is also afraid of getting fat. Now my mom was never slender, but obese didn't fit either, when she developed diabetes. She thinks that if she takes more insulin, she'll blow up like a cow. She was diagnosed with MODY. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maturity_onset_diabetes_of_the_young ) Her only brother WAS morbidly obese, and died at the age of 45. She blamed the insulin. While insulin may have played a role, he was always fat as a kid, and drank regular soda, ate whatever he wanted, and just took extra insulin to cover it. Now insulin used to be pork based and would cause weight gain. She isn't reasonable. She weighs about 140 at 5'4". I told my dad that there is no sense to worry about weight if you go blind or are dead. Her eyesight is so bad, she has tripped over the bright yellow parking "blocks" in a parking lot and broke her nose twice. She has fallen down stairs, because she couldn't tell they were stairs. She thought it was still flat. She swims nearly ever day for about 1 hour at a time. She will have severe lows and passes out from them (3 times in the pools locker room). She is considered a brittle diabetic. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brittle_diabetes). I realize that low sugars aren't fun. I've had sugars in the upper 40's and 50's and you feel like crap. Her's will go into the 10's and 20's.
My father is 75 and my mom is 66. It is very stressful for him to deal with her. She is rarely out of bed. If she spends a total of 6 hours out of bed a day, he is lucky. It is normally broken up with naps, etc.
I hate to see my mom this way, although I realize that it is mostly out of my hands. I'm as prepared as you can be for the loss of your mother. I'm worried about my dad. (I've never been particularly close to him, but both my sister and I easily see him outliving her.) My mom refuses to make a will. No, I'm not looking for anything. There is little if any personal assets of hers. I want to make sure there is a plan for what happens if she ends up in a vegetative state. She was quite lucky that the last time she didn't die with sugars of 1420. She was in a coma with brain swelling for a few days, but luckily didn't lose any limbs.
Since she refuses to leave a living will, or power of attorney to my dad, is there anything I can do? Do you know if he could petition the courts for power of attorney?? She doesn't make sound medical decisions. She has a history of suicide attempts during menopause. She refuses medical care when her sugar is out of control, which is often. When her sugar gets over 600-800, she starts becoming unreasonable. She'll say it's the flu, instead of the diabetes. She has also had multiple TIA's. When she had heart failure and she was filling up with fluid, she thought she was developing asthma. Duh! You don't develop severe asthma one day at the age of 60. I've had asthma for a couple decades. I know what asthma is. She wouldn't believe me when I told her it wasn't asthma. If it comes across that I'm angry at my mom, yes I am. I'm sick of her forcing the family to watch while she plays with life and death.
Can my dad, or somebody else get the legal authority to commit her to a hospital for medical care? Can my dad get power of attorney over her for legal decisions? Any options? Thank you for your suggestion:)